Vampires are evil mythological beings who roam the world at night searching for people whose blood they feed upon. They may be the best-known classic monsters of all. Most people associate vampires with Count Dracula, the legendary, blood-sucking subject of Bram Stoker’s epic novel, Dracula, which was published in 1897. But the history of vampires began long before Stoker was born.
Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.
What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.
What do vampires cross the sea in? Blood vessels.
What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat.
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport? Batminton.
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.
Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart? He had loved in vein.
Two men were having a drink together. One said, “I d rather live with a vampire than with my wife.” “Why’s that?” asked the other. “Because she’s always trying to bite my head off,” he replied.
Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded? Because he was a complete sucker..
Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin? Because his life is at stake.
What do vampires have at eleven o clock every day? A coffin break.
What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Coffin medicine.
Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he’s a pain in the neck.
How does Dracula keep fit? He plays batminton.
Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian? He’s looking for a crypt writer.
Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn’t like the stake.
What’s it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? Necking.
Where is Dracula’s American office? The Vampire State Building.
What does Dracula say to his victims? It’s been nice gnawing you.
Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they re always out for blood!
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? Something that goes straight for the juggler !
What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.
How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.
MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.
